Feeling depressed/Alone

All I really want is the feeling of comfort again, I want to feel ok and i want to have people to talk to. I feel so alone and like nothing matters, I have almost no sense of time anymore, my body feels constantly exhausted, I can’t stop drifting from numbness to hysterical crying to anger and my own mind terrifies me. My friends dont care about me and ignore me no matter how bad I get they’ll never care until I’m dead, one of my friends who I thought I could talk to just started making jokes about my attempt and nothing hurts more than holding a blade to wrists and knowing that it wouldn’t make a difference if you slit or not because no one is going to care either way, i feel like a complete joke when I try to talk to people and everything takes so much effort, I started drinking and getting drunk but now that’s just becoming dreadful but I don’t want to stop. I just wish I had a singular person that cared about me, my relationship with my dad is broken, my sister never stops screaming no matter how much I beg her to stop because I just want peace, my mom could care less and everything hurts