i don’t know who i am i don’t even feel like i’m actually real sometimes. i think all my friends are judging me all the time. and people always say no one is ever looking at you but i feel like every eye is on me in public, i fix the way i walk, my clothes, and even my hair. i don’t ever talk to anyone i don’t think i can actually trust anyone. i feel alone all the time. i feel like i don’t really have friends. i think people hate my personality. people really like me at first and i think they get tired of me afterwards. people think i don’t notice the eye rolls when i talk sometimes, my friends make plans with each other in front of me and talk about it the next day in front of me as well. they have other friends so they have secrets i always walk away when they start talking to their other friends. i don’t like change this whole covid thing has been hard on me. i want everything to be to normal. i want a boyfriend but they always say to love yourself first but how do you do that. i always compare myself to others and so do my parents. i wonder what it would be like to live another life, to be in another persons shoes. i know i can not complain about my life because it is a lot better than others so i am grateful. but sometimes the feeling of not even knowing if i’m real brings relief