(this is going to be so jumbled around and if you see this hopefully you can understand. it jumps around a lot. my head is just spinning)
This quarantine has made me extremely stressed and anxious. i’ve been going through constant panic attacks almost daily. nothing is helping anymore. i have an amazing boyfriend but at sometimes it feels like i’m all alone. i always end up alone. i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m so stuck and it feels like i’m just in this endless cycle of pain and misery. i have so many phycological disorders from a messed up childhood and i just have to sit here and take them all. whenever i’m with my boyfriend things normally are okay but one small thing sets me off. i have so much built up anger and sadness that one little word or trigger can lead to a full breakdown. he’s not the smartest person with his word choice and what he says or how he words it always ends up hurting me. he doesn’t understand a lot of the mental health issues and it upsets me because i wish he did. i try so hard to help him understand but nothing seems to work. i’m not sure what to do anymore. i hate living like this. i feel constantly alone and its so hard. i have no siblings or family. i live with just my mom and she’s hardly there half of the time. i have trouble keeping stable friendships and relationships because of my mental health and i’m scared i’m gunna mess this one up. i always end up screwing something up. i still fear hes gunna leave me. i feel like such a burden to anyone. i have to suffer my panic attacks alone because my mom is tired of dealing with them. i just cry in fear that i’m going to die alone in my room. i hate it. i can’t help it either. i’m so stuck.
(if you made it this far sorry again it was so messy. i have nobody to talk to and just wanted to put this here. maybe someone will understand <3)
quarantine is hell and i'm sorry that u're going through that. ur boyfriend should be making a conscious effort to try to understand u and to help u- even if that's not through directly stated steps, just being there for u, but if his word choice is bad then he's probably not the best person to go to.
it rly gets better and u will find people who understand u and what u're going through- u r never a burden and things will improve from here. life gets better from here.