I have anorexia. I starve myself for as long as possible and have stopped eating breakfast and lunch. I was diagnosed last month but i have been struggling since February. It first began when my mom told me to weigh myself for skiing since she needed to fill out my weight. I stepped on and the number was 130. I hadn't weighed myself for a while and i didnt really care but seeing the number pop up made me feel so bad. I was so ashamed. I didnt start my irregular eating until later but that instance was just the start. I would still eat whatever until in may when my mom took me bathing suit shopping. Ive always wore a one piece since i just felt more comfortable being in more "reserved" clothes, but i felt like maybe this time i could wear a two piece. I put on the bathing suit i chose and when i looked in the mirror all my confidence went down the drain. I didn't see a pretty confident teenage girl, i saw a fat ugly slob. I went home and made a vow that i was gonna get skinny and wear a two piece. . i watched a bunch of people who lost weight just wanting to look pretty. It went from just watching harmless youtube videos every once in a while to watching multiple every day. I then started not eating. I started off not eating any snacks to skipping breakfast to skipping breakfast and lunch and only eating dinner and a snack. I understood that what i was doing was unhealthy but i didn't care. I started off not loosing much to loosing 5 pounds in a week or so. I was happy looking at the number on the scale but i didn't feel content. I thought that maybe if i ate more food and gave myself more freedom would make me feel better but when i did i started feeling so nasty and i would have mental breakdowns very often. I would always tell myself, im healthy and normal i dont have anything wrong with me and i cant have an eating disorder. But in the back of my brain i felt that something was wrong just kept denying it. If i didn't think about it it wasn't real. At a certain point i just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired and didn't have any energy. I felt disgusting all the time and if i ate food it would just make me fatter and fatter. I needed to get help. I still haven't told my parents. Im afraid i will be told I'm a liar and just want attention. I was scared to talk to a physiatrist because of the same reason. Im still struggling but for anyone who needs to hear it, it gets better.
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