(TW)

Hi This is kinda strange writing to people on the internet. Anyways a little backstory on me. Im 15, 5'4, and 138 lbs and i carry most of my weight on my thighs. I am a swimmer so ive always had a fast metabolism and was naturally skinny and fit. But in the past couple of years ive started gaining weight, not all at once but over time. My family has commented on this weight gain multiple times and but i have never really paid any mind to it up until a few months ago. I moved to a new state where i had to go to a whole new school so i was very nervous and just wanted to make friends. At the time i didn't care how they made me feel so i ended up in a very toxic friendship with someone who i thought was my best friend. She would constantly make me feel insecure and would tell me to not eat and to throw up my food and things like that. At the time i thought she was trying to help me but she really wasnt. It got to the point where i wasnt eating anything all day and attending two swim practices a day. I started to see my stomach look flat and my weight strted to fall but then i did something bad and realized i had to eat. While this was going on nobody knew that this was happening. I figured it out and started to eat again bc i didnt want to live my life like that with such a bad mental health state. Then covid hit. I couldn't swim any more, my mom lost her job, and i wasn't able to go to school. It got so bad that my family and i had to move again to another state where i am now. ive gained some weght bc i havent been able to swim/ exercise and my family has noticed. They say things like, "you've gained so much weight", your bmi is so high", if you keep eating like that i dont know if your going to fit into your clothes at the end of quarantine." and other things like that. When they say theses things i just brush it off and laugh bc what else am i supposed to do. They dont know how much it affects me. I weigh myself everyday and i stand in front of a mirror and hate my body. Now its gone to the point where i cant eat. I really want to but i cant. My head is telling me that i cant eat and its hard because all i want to do is eat., Can someone please help me. All i want is to be happy and skinny and maybe finally my parents will be happy/proud of me.