TW: i’ve always had trouble trying to love my body. i was always a little chubby but i was never overweight. i was always the weight that i needed to be. in school i had one friend who weighed much less than me. in my head i would always compare myself to her because i loved the way she looked and i wanted to look like her and be as skinny has her. this one day in school i called myself fat. my 2 other friends told me that that wasn’t true and told me i was pretty skinny. my other friend said “not to be rude or anything but you’re really not skinny.” those words hurt me so bad. even though i agreed with her, it hurt to hear one of my bestfriends say that i wasn’t that skinny. a few days later, i started skipping lunch or packing a bag of pretzels or something small. my friends would always ask me how my mom let me bring that stuff to school and why i didn’t bring actual food to school. the reason she let me do that is because cause she didn’t know i was barely eating food at lunch. on the weekend i would wait til 12 pm to eat my first thing. it would always be apples and peanut butter. then i would wait til dinner to eat again. soon my mom began to notice that i was losing all of this weight. she went to the store to go buy a scale. she made me go on the scale and there i read “93.2 lbs.” just a month or so ago i was 105 lbs. my mom was super mad but i don’t think that she understand stood how I felt about my body and my weight. I STILL wasn’t skinny enough. it’s been a few months now and i have gained 3-4 pounds. my mom threatens me every day telling me she’s going to tell my doctor to send one away. she tells me that i’m too skinny and that i look scary. my family does that as well. ever since i’ve been eating more i’ve been hating my body so much. i’m still not at the weight that i was at before and my mom tells me it’s because i’m not eating enough. but it’s so hard. she doesn’t understand how eating makes me feel. i don’t want to. i don’t wanna gain weight. i want to be as skinny as my friend.
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