sometimes i look at myself in the mirror and cry. i never feel good enough and nothing seems to help. my body is disgusting and i know i will never look how people want me to look. i feel fat, even when there’s nothing to feel fat about. i can always find something wrong with me every look, and it’s always something new. i go through phases where i eat constantly and i can’t stop, and then for months i don’t eat. sometimes i worry if there’s something wrong with me, but honestly i don’t mind. i like not eating. it makes me feel better. happier. i know that it’s not good, but i cant stop doing it. every look in the mirror gets a little better when i starve myself. sometimes i can’t even put food in my mouth without feeling the need to throw up. seeing myself starve is a good feeling to me. i feel like i can finally be someone who i want to be. who’s happy with themselves. i feel like i can be happy because i’m skinny but yet, i still don’t feel right. i still don’t look like madison beer. i still don’t look like charli damilio. i will never be good enough, but starving makes me feel like it’s a possibility that could happen someday. idk how to stop. it’s an obsession i can’t get over. when i eat i feel sick. when i don’t eat i feel happy.
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