tbh i need a therapist for everything, not just social anxiety.
i wish i loved my body. everything would be so simple. i'd wear literally anything i thought was cute and not even worry about it. but i don't so, things have never been that simple. well not in the last 7 years or so.
bathing suits haunt me. i want to slash my body to fit the image in my head. sorry that's graphic. but i just want to. it would be easier. working out for a few days at a time and then giving up doesn't seem to be my thing. i cant eat healthy either, so yk.
is it bad that... at school, i don't bring a lunch bc I'm too lazy and i don't like lunch food. my friend notices this and will offer her own food. she even said "i don't want you to starve." is it bad that i like that? i like that in her head I'm someone who starves myself. even though i go home and eat like a pig, i wish i was who she thinks i am.
is it bad that... at work, my uniform is loose so you can't see my body shape (just how i like it), but i appear smaller than i am. my coworker has cracked a few jokes about how skinny i am. like i need to eat or something. is it bad that i like that? i like that in his head I'm someone who is skinny. even though under the loose clothes, i have rolls and bends that i despise.
what to do.
just get over it like i always do, i suppose