I want to eat but I am too fat to. I want to recover but I'm not skinny enough to. But I kinda want to never recover. The starving pain, the hunger pains in my stomach, they make me feel powerful. The more pounds I drop the happier it makes me. I'm not skinny enough to wear the clothes I love. I'm not skinny enough to look good in my mom's runway designer clothes. I want to see my collarbones, my ribs, my jawline not to be intruded with fat. I'm disgusting so I will fast. I will bask in the pains of my body and enjoy it. I am not worthy of food. I am fat and disgusting.