i’m a bisexual living in a strict asian family. i’ve been going through mental health issues since 3rd grade. during that time my family was a mess and sometime that year my dad had pulled a knife on my mom after many many days of arguing. that’s not when it started but it’s definitely when i got worse. at the time i only had one friend who knew and i vented to her, she stopped me from self harm and i still appreciate her til this day. she convinced me to bring it to a trusted adult and with that i came to my aunt, she’s open minded but definitely has opinions. i asked for a therapist or atleast a professional who can tell me what‘s happening. she told me that there is no need and i’m simply stressed and she is there to talk. I never did ended up talking to her. i ended up having to fix me by myself. i found better friends and i was actually happy. until i started questioning my sexuality and my family started questioning the influence my friends had on me. they noticed i was on my phone almost every hour of the day. i know it’s not healthy but my friends bring me comfort and they distracted me. i went into a panic attack when they threatened to take my phone and yell at my friends. that day i spent 2 hours screaming at them. again they ignored me. they laughed as they tried to clean me up. i only told my aunt that i liked girls and boys . she told me i was too young and to focus on my studies. as i entered middle school i continued to do everything myself, i didnt ask for help on work, i stuck with my friends. about 2 weeks ago, i went to another panic attack, it being the third one in 2 years. i screamed hard, i was slapped multiple times because i tried to get some fresh air. i told them i couldn’t stand being with them. i told them to call the police and they would treat me better than they did. they immediately tried to be victim, “oh but we took care of you, look at us, we work hard to buy you everything you want, we feed you” this went on until i lost my voice. i ranted about anything and everything, i thought that would be a night of change, that they would finally realize how much i was struggling but they didnt. they sat and pretended to listen but at the end they just helped me get cleaned up and told me to sleep. i left that night with self made wounds and slight bruising on my feet and my cheeks. my aunt promised me a therapist. and my family promised better attitude around me. nothing changed. next morning i was forced back into the “perfect happy child” i always was. they havent even attempted at finding a professional and still judge me whenever i smile or laugh while i chat with my friends. im scared to openly call friends incase they say bad things in a space my friends can hear. my family is wonderful they are, they just don’t believe in mental health and i’ve been trying to get my point across for 4 years. they just laughed and told me to study and study and study. i have harmed myself but it is not frequent but everyday i still deal with the fact this anxiety and sadness will stay with me forever because i cannot get to the right people in time.
top of page
bottom of page