I know that my dad had issues with having a good male role model or father figure growing up but like... it honestly baffles me that he decided he wanted kids. he’s one of the least affectionate people i know. i was a really emotional kid but instead of talking to me like a normal person he would get frustrated and yell at me (keep in mind this is like during elementary school time) or would just invalidate my emotions entirely. i’m afraid to talk to him because if he’s not in the mood to talk he’ll just scream at me to leave him alone and that he’s not interested. eventually i stopped being super open about my emotions and carefree, i developed severe social anxiety (diagnosed... don’t self diagnose ppl:) ) since i would assume that my dad was right and i was just really emotional and annoying. im not allowed to make any mistakes and nothing is ever good enough for him, i’m a pretty good student and do well on tests but he kinda just invalidates it, i’ll get a 96% on a math test and he’ll ask me about the other four percent and then have me explain that it was a stupid mistake i made just for him to grunt and give it back to me. if i spill water or make any small human mistake he yells at me and gets angry so now whenever i make a mistake i get super worried or upset and apologize profusely for making it. i had and still have confidence issues especially regarding my personality since he constantly insulted me about it. i am planning on high tailing it out of here once i graduate but i’m honestly not sure if i can make it that long, my mom ignores it and in turn i’ve become unstable and suicidal with bad coping mechanisms. every time i try and bring it up he gets mad at me for having mental illnesses and refuses to understand and on the rare occasion that i DO bring up his anger he gets defensive and tells me about how great of a father he is because he works more than he’s home and can therefore afford food and since he isn’t starving me, is providing me with a house, and hasn’t hit me yet, i really don’t have room to complain. idk if this sound whiny or overly emotional but i just needed to vent and don’t wanna worry my friends and hate therapy so... yeah :)
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Im so sorry you’re going through that :( i really hope your dad starts to understand you better or that you can get out of there. ❤️