Nobody will answer or see this but I just need to vent.

i know my mum wants someone better, I know she doesn’t like me and she deserves somebody better then me.

i don’t want to die, I just want the pain to go away and I want my mum to have a better child. I don’t deserve her and every time I try to explain what’s wrong I can’t. And I can see how frustrated she is and I want to say how sorry I am and how much I want to leave this world and replace myself with someone who she deserves, somebody who she Can love without my annoying piece of shit life in the way. I love her more then anybody in the entire world and I want to leave. I want to escape my world of sadness and anxiety and disappear. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve everything she has done for me. She has loved me no matter what but I know she’s slipping away from me every single day. I was watching videos of me when I was younger earlier today with my nan and it was so hard trying not to cry. I miss myself, I miss not crying almost every night and I miss worrying about how much my mum loves me.i hate myself so much but idk what to do anymore, I feel numb and I want to give up so bad. But I cant, bc of her, I love her so much and she’s already gone through so much pain and I feel like it’s my fault. I’m so sorry mum, I know you don’t believe it and every time I say it you think I’m lying but I truly am, I don’t know What to do anymore and I want to be gone. I’m sorry. I love you I really do.