Before I begin, I just want to say that I love my boyfriend. How do I say this without making it sound so corny... I am in love with him. He makes me feel happy. I feel like I found a person that makes me laugh, smile, uplifts my mood, while being annoying at the same time (the good kind). He's my everything, I can basically say but...
Before me... he was a big player. Yes, he had previous relationships, but they didn't last very long. If anything, I am his longest and we aren't together for a long time.
What I am trying to say here is... I am always jealous/overprotective over him. I feel like he's going to leave me one day for a girl who's better than me; skinner, thicker, prettier, better personality.
Don't get me wrong, he reassures and promises me that he won't leave or he won't do anything that would hurt me, but my insecurities have forced me into this big ass hole that has me overthinking everything.
The "girls" that were before me, they were so pretty. Looking at myself in the mirror, I compare nothing to them but he still chose me. I don't know...
I've been hurt so many times in my past but this boy has made me feel something different than the other ones. I feel connected and safe with him and I don't want to lose that. He was someone who read me like no one person did. He was a person who connected with my family. He was a person who showed me attention and gave me so much joy. I don't want to lose someone who was my happiness.
I'm scared that if he leaves, a piece of me also leaves. I'm scared that he'll be laughing at another girl's texts/calls. I'm scared he'll hug/kiss her the way we did. I'm scared of the little shit that makes him fall harder for her than me. But at the same time, I know that I want him to be happy. To be safe, happy, and comfortable.
It hurts the most when I don't even know what's wrong. Sometimes, I question if this is normal or I'm just overreacting. I also don't want to blame him and I know I can't. But, I don't know what to do.
BUT, I also know... If something does happen, we'll both move onto better things later in life. I will be happy again, maybe not with him but... I will still smile. He'll be with someone else, living his life.
And to him...
I love you so much, chubs. Just know that you're something special to me. If something happens to us, just know, I will always pray for the goodness in your life. You will always have my heart and I hope the next person treats you amazingly. And to the next person that has you... he likes goofiness and attention. Match his vibe, he'll love you for sure. :)