hey! if you clicked on this post thank you so so much and if you relate to this please reach out because i'd love to talk and be friends. here are my problems lol.
ok so i've known that i liked girls since the seventh grade and it took me a while to really accept that and now I have, but i still haven't told anyone except my mom. i started a new school freshman year (i'm going into sophomore year) and my school friends always ask me who i like and tell me about their crushes and i know that if i came out to them they'd be totally cool w it but for some reason i can't get the words out. i've come out in my head to them a million times but irl i just can't do it. and i feel like a fake because whenever we want to have deeper conversations they say things like 'you guys already know everything about me' and then i feel bad for lying to them. i'm also scared to be out because i'm a swimmer and i don't want anyone on my team to feel uncomfy around me even though i would never be looking at them anyway but i just don't want my swim friends to think of me differently.
also, my best friend in the world who i've know since i was nine is kinda replacing me. it's def my fault for going to boarding school but i guess i expected her to still think of me as her best friend, but she has new friends now. i can't blame her, ofc, but it still stings a little to be replaced. and i wish she cared about me as much as i still care about her.
and all the other people i usually see in quarantine like my neighbors and other swim people are super toxic and i don't really like them. i used to struggle with disordered eating and while i've pretty much recovered, i feel like i still sort of have ED brain. and people say a lot of triggering toxic things about weight and food and i just wish they'd stop, but they don't even know my struggles because i haven't told them so i guess its my fault. i also have completely different interests and i just feel so out of place all the time.
i guess to some it up, i'm insecure about my body, i don't like some of my friends and the ones i do like are replacing me, i'm gay and no one really knows, and i need a new friend. if you made it to the end thank you for listening to me and please comment
Well it was nice to hear your story. I'm also gay and I played for the volleyball team. It's hard to be closeted, but it's so beautiful to be out of the closet. It is way too scary, but it feels so good in the end. Don't give up now. I also recovered from an ed years ago when I was 10. I refused to tell anyone so I had to recover on my own, yes it was difficult and yes I relapsed a couple times. I'm not sure if you need to hear this but you deserve happiness regardless of mistakes you make. It's not your fault to feel uncomfortable talking about certain things. Cutting off toxic people is so important for your mental health. If you don't need them then leave them. Toxic people will never let you grow to be beautiful. And of course last but not least, your body is what keeps you alive, and regardless of how it looks, please take care of it. Work out, let it rest, eat healthy, take care of your skin, give yourself health days. I made the mistake of forgetting how important my body is, never do that. Never measure your self worth with your appearance because you deserve so much more. Sending buckets of love your way, if you need to talk you can talk with me my insta is xxcherry.cola and you can talk to me about anything 💕
wait wth i relate to everything on here, we could be friends if you want i could send you my snap
hello love :) im a swimmer and ive been in your spot with the whole best friend thing (long distance stuff) and what i have to say about the swim thing is, the girls shouldnt mind - there have been a bunch of girls who are gay or bi that have swam and everyone swims normally and doesnt make a fuss about it, even if they do - it's not your problem at all, theyre just stupid and close minded. i know youre nervous about your friends, but if theyre true then they wont judge you and everything will continue as normal. with your bff, you just kind of have to roll with the punches - people come and go from your life all the time, it's normal...ik it hurts, but you just have to have the mindset that not everyone is meant to be in your life forever, it's nowhere near your fault that you guys lost the connection. and ive also been in the eating issues situation, i suggest talking to your doctor and maybe even getting a counselor to help you smash the ed brain...and love, it's not your fault for not talking about something that makes you uncomfy, ed is extremely difficult to talk about. so please dont blame yourself, a counselor can only help. please stay safe love, stay strong - im proud of you for coming forward and talking about it💕
hi! i hope you're doing well. i'm a (male) gay sophomore too. here are my thoughts:
not telling your friends about being gay isn't lying. if they're real friends, they'll understand why you were scared to come out
if you come out, and your fellow swimmers are uncomfortable, then that's their problem. i know it's scary, and i can totally relate especially in the locker room, but those girls will just have to deal. the media pushes the idea that gay people are super sexual beings that are obsessed with straight people of the same gender.
i'm sorry your "best friend" is being like that, that's shitty
sorry, this comment probably didn't help at all but this is just what i think. i hope all goes well.