idk what i'm saying but i'm just gonna vent like this, because i can. blehhhh.
my granddad passed when i was five. you knew i would talk about someone like that, because i'm in the loss section. and i know that i should be over it by now, should move on, but it affects me at the weirdest moments and i don't know what to say. the two of us were really close and i didn't even get to attend his funeral, which hurts like shit, but i understand why, i guess. i was a little kid. but sometimes i start panicking over it for no reason, and i wonder who the next person to die will be, and i'll have to deal with that grief that just eats me up all over again but i'll understand it this time. yeah, people have died since then, my great-grandma and my other granddad, but we weren't close, i didn't see them often, split family and shit. but i'm terrified that my close family, on my mum's side, will die, especially my nana. i'm so scared. anyone can die any time and when someone is taken early you don't know what's next and i never know what to do.
i just feel so pathetic for not being over it after so many years. i'm only here because i don't want to feel alone. i want to feel like someone, anyone, has the same struggles, at all. i just want to do that, please. sorry for taking up your time - emily.