Hello, so I've never really talked about this to anyone because I personally find it difficult to find enough words to say this and to have the actual guts to spill my feelings. But since this is online, i wanted to maybe take my chance and finally spill at least a bit of the iceberg. What I'm about to write might seem confusing or a little messy but that's because this is raw and I'm not really rehearsing what to write or type. Pardon me for that.
I feel very lost and tired. Some days I'm energetic and feel motivated to live my life to the fullest but most I'm in my own thoughts drowning in this constant need to look for something that will help me - any shape or form. I don't tell anyone how I feel because what I feel feels so fake, like it's just lingering like it's not really there. I feel like I shouldn't deserve to feel this way.
I'm blessed to live in a household where love is prominent and that I even have a roof over my head but for some reason I still feel empty and I hate that. I'm guilty of feeling this way because I should be grateful for what I have - but it just feels so empty. I feel like a void.
I don't know what to do with my life and I feel as though I'm starting to slowly give up. Or maybe I already have, I'm not sure. I'm tired of living in this same livid nightmare and I just want to wake up but I can't - and that's the worst part. I want to scream for help to ask for it but I can't even properly say my feelings. Even on here I'm having trouble explaining how I feel.
All I'm really sure about is I hate myself and I'm having trouble finding meaning in life.