Hi, this is a story on depersonalization/derealization disorder. I had a friend, a good friend, who smoked weed. I always saw it as a bad thing, as my mother was a recovered addict. So one night I thought “yeah if she’s doing it i can too” and so i smoked weed. Way too much. I had a full blown panic attack. then i calmed down and the night hadn’t seem so bad. A few weeks later, i went to dairy queen and i felt uneasy. Like i was still high. I thought it was a side effect from the marijuana so i told my mom and we both put it off. Mind you i never told her i smoked, nor have i told her. Anyways, quarantine started and i felt like it more. maybe once a week. My friend who smoked weed, the one i smoked with, said it sounded like depersonalization but she thought you could only get it from abusing drugs. She also had it. So i freaked out a bit and cried to my mom about it. Still didn’t tell her the weed part. We both agreed it was because of quarantine. A little bit later in the month it gradually got worse. I went on the subreddit for dp/dr but that did NOT help. So i was having panic attacks every night and that made it so much worse. Then i came across a great site. It helped me see what i needed to do in order to get rid of my disorder. So that helped, for a tiny bit of time. Then i started seeing lots of simulation posts, high trips, people in comas who woke up and realized their whole life was fake. And that scared the sh*t out of me. So i started having panic attacks again. I decided to start looking up stuff, and reaching out for help. i told my sister about the weed and my feelings and she calmed me down, i talked to my friends, my mom, and they were all super helpful. I started watching videos by this guy with depersonalization and he made me feel so safe, because he said every thing i was going through and told me the explanations. i haven’t had a panic attack since, and i’m feeling much happier. i’m not obsessing over every detail. My brain knows why things are happening now and i couldn’t be better. That’s my story! it’s not over haha but i’m glad i got here.
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