i’ve just been kinda sad lately with everything going on like my family. my mom and dad are always fighting, my sister is never home, and everyone is always yelling at me for the littlest things i do. i’ll forgot to do a chore my mom asked me to do and it’s like i’ve disappointed her sm she screams at me for everything i don’t do right. i can literally drop my phone in front of her on accident and she’ll get mad and go off on me bcz i’m not being careful enough. it just feels like nothing i ever do is right for her. it gives me anxiety being around her bcz i’m scared i’m gonna do smt wrong. and it’s exhausting living in my house with such toxic words everyone shouts at each other and everything. nothing positive ever goes down in the house. it’s all negative with everyone i just wanna be happy and everyone else to be happy. i’m treated like a little kid and then i’m expected to be perfect and act like an adult. she spies on me with everything i do and doesn’t let me have any freedom and when i confront her abt it i’m “disrespectful” and “need to behave better” like what? i cant even express how i feel without getting attacked by everyone. and that’s how it feels for everything i don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone it feels so lonely having to keep everything bottled up and not talk abt it to anyone. and ik ppl are here for me but no matter what someone says i’m always gonna doubt them. if someone tells me they love me i’m not gonna believe them. if someone tells me they care abt me then i’m definitely not gonna believe them. my mind literally doubts everything someone says i just overthink all of it. i hate my body, i hate myself so so much i can’t even look at myself in the morning without breaking down or being put in a bad mood. i have such bad self image issues right now. it’s so hard to even take a shower looking at myself. i stg i wish i could erase my existence sometimes it’s so exhausting living while hating every inch of yourself. i don’t have anything to look forward to anymore. i got no one to live for. i feel alone. ppl say they’re here for me but it doesn’t feel like it at all. i’ve been screwed over so many times being the nice guy to everyone. no one even cares. honestly i wonder why everyone is still my friend sometimes. i’m not any fun to be around and i’m so shy no matter how well ik you i’m always gonna be shy bcz i’m rly scared to open up to ppl or be myself. i’m always scared of judgement. i wonder if ppl are my friend bcz they like me or if they just care abt me buying them stuff all the time and doing things for them. tbh it feels like it’s a one way friendship with most of my friends. not all of them but a lot of them i always put in the effort and none is given back. no one genuinely loves or cares abt me. i don’t blame them. all i rly want is to have a purpose here rn it just feels like i’m here. i’m existing not living.
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Hey beautiful human, I know I don’t know who personally but somehow I just know you are amazing and gorgeous on the inside and outside. I know your mind may overthink a lot but i can promise you there are people out there that care for and love you. And please don’t knock your self down because of society’s impossible standards. we are all imperfectly perfect humans who make mistakes. im sorry to hear you live in such a toxic household but please don’t let that ruin your happiness. Home is where you are with people who make you feel loved if that’s not where you are now that’s fine because trust me you will find it One day. And always remember life doesn’t have any original meaning, YOU have to give it meaning start doing the things you love focus on yourself and things will work out trust me so please continue fighting you got this the future hold amazing things for you 💛💛💛