TW: mentions of suicide, sh, gender dysphoria Hi. I'm Nic. I'm trans. Nobody knows. I feel like I'll never meet up to the standards expected of me. I feel like I'll never be a 'real boy.' I don't think anyone will ever accept me. I know my family won't. I live in a small town and nobody here will treat me right. I hate the body I'm in. I hate having to go every day resenting who I am. Even if I socially transition, I can never be normal. Every penny I make I save so that someday I can afford top surgery. I just want to be a normal boy. I wish I was born a boy. I want to take the money I earn and buy things I want with it. I want to take my money and style my car. But I cant. I have to be able to afford surgery. I have terrible gender dysphoria every day. I'm not tall enough, my voice isn't deep enough, my chest isn't flat enough...I am not man enough. I can't live with myself like this. Everything just hurts all the time. I will never be how I want myself to be.
I've never had any friends. I don't really know why. I guess I'm just not social. Or maybe people just know there's something odd about me. I really just want someone to notice what I'm going through, but nobody around me cares. Not my parents. Not my siblings. Not anyone. Sometimes I just feel so lonely. I've joined a couple Discord servers but I never really make any friends. It just seems like nobody cares. I don't even think I care anymore.
I've wanted to kill myself for at least 6 months now. I've thought of self-harm but I haven't done it yet. I want to OD if I do it. That way, it won't hurt as much.
I think I'm better off dead. I suffer so much, and if I were to die, I wouldn't suffer anymore. I take up expenses too, and my mom would be free of my expenses.
I just don't think life is worth living anymore.
You are so strong and I am so proud of you for sticking all this way. You are a boy. Don’t let anyone tell you that ”you will never be a real boy”. What they say absolutely do not matter. You are you’re own person and only you know what and who you are. You got this. I believe in you.
i’m so sorry you’re trapped in the wrong body. but please don’t leave. you have so much you need to do in this world still. you still need to move away from your family and become who you really are inside. i know it feels like you’re stuck, but it will get better. you just have to trust yourself.