i cant stand being alive anymore. dealing with insomnia, ptsd, anxiety, depression. i cant talk to my friends for support coz they have their own shit to deal with. i feel like i cant be honest with my counsellor coz he will just tell my mum later. ive tried to unlive myself eleven times now and i cant even succeed at that. i thought i was doing better but then shit got bad again and now im trying weekly. i dont want to let my friends and teachers down by going to hospital again but i feel like its just a matter of time. everyone keeps telling me i need to stay around but i cant see the point. everything hurts. the smell of cologne, the sound of cars or motorbikes, certain suburbs or songs all make me breakdown and i dont want to deal with that anymore. its not worth all the effort.