it was summer. my parents divorced and yeah it was pretty sad. i didn’t really recognise my feelings at the time, i remember feeling numb and shutting off my mind. i was 11 and going into a new school at the time too.
so my mom she was very depressed when my dad moved out. i’d come home to see her crying on the couch. i‘d have to make dinner, do shopping etc.
time went by and it was about octoberish (a few days before my birthday.)
i come home from my dads one day and i see my mom on the couch passed out. i go over to wake her up. she doesn’t.
i start shaking her violently my heart skipping a beat but after like 10 seconds she wakes up. i was relieved.
but then i realised, something was wrong. she was all drowsy and slurring on her words, she was barely awake. i didn‘t know this at the time but she overdosed on ibuprofen.
so i practically carried her to her bedroom because she couldn’t even walk. i was panicking and screaming at this point. gosh it was the scariest experience of my life.
so i called my dad and he rushed back to my house and i can’t get this out of my head. this haunts me.
he was yelling and yelling at her. “you’re so selfish!
”how could you do this to our daughter!”
i was just in the corner crying my eyes out. it was the worst feeling in the world.
so my dad helped my mom out of the house and into the car.
i took my teddy bear and we were in the car.
it was 9 at night so it was quite dark too. i remember him speeding down the roads to the hospital.
this is one of the worst parts, i’m crying at writing this. my dad forced me to keep slapping my moms face to keep her awake. she started crying. oh my gosh it was the worst worst worst worst thing ever i can’t even explain. it was so traumatic.
we made it to the hospital and my mom went into urgent care. she had to get her stomach pumped. god you don’t understand how painful this is. even after almost 4 years now it haunts me every night.
i remember my dad driving me home while bawling my eyes out. the roads were quiet because it was like midnight now. he was pretty pissed at me because obviously he was stressed out of his mind. i was forced to go to school the next day. and forced to tell NO ONE.
to this day i have still told no one about this in person, not even my therapist. today my mom and dad are in a much better place thankfully but i still have no closure. for a whole year and a bit i completely blocked this memory from my mind. it’s so weird i didn’t think about it once. it’s starting to come back and haunt me every night. i’m so scared to bring it up with my parents, or tell my mom i’m sad incase she gets depressed again.
the thing is when i have a “problem” or when i’m “sad” my mom asks me what’s the matter and when i tell her it’s like she gets mad at me. it’s like i can never just have a natural occurring problem its always me causing it. like the classic “you’re on your phone too much.”
mom, i saw you overdose TWICE (yes it happened two times) i’m bound to gain some sort of negative emotions that correlate to whatever's wrong with me now. you can’t get mad at me for being sad that you made your daughter go through trauma.
nobody knows i still think about this,
thanks for reading my story i guess. this was really hard for me to write. i find comfort in it being anonymous and no one will probably read it anyway.
everyone is happy apart from me.
and NOBODY notices.