a few years ago i was super skinny. i was a healthy weight and i biked everyday. i was so happy. i would go out every single day with my friends. everything was perfect. but when i was getting older it changed. i became alot sadder. i hardly ever leave the house like i did last summer. i used to go out every single night but now? now i just stay home all day. even when my mom tells me to go out i dont. my anxiety gets so bad when i leave the house i have to go back home. i sleep at 5 am every night because when i close my eyes i think of everything. it takes hours to actually fall asleep at night. recently i've found a love in writing but sometimes i feel too uninspired to even write. im either always hungry or never want to eat (mostly always hungry) im gaining so much weight which is making me even more insecure. i have no real friends and me and my girlfriend are long distance so i cant even see her. im very lazy even though i dont wanna be, i can hardly ever get out of bed. a few weeks ago i found a singer that has made me feel so much better. his music inspires me and makes me feel happier but not happy enough to get out of bed. every night i cry for no reason. my girlfriend takes so long to reply to my texts so if i ever text her and ask her if i can talk to her she takes hours to reply, sometimes even a WHOLE DAY. i stay up waiting for a response and i get so worried that something happened to her. i feel ugly and worthless. i feel like a slut because i have to dress basic or else my mom will make fun of me and i've had enough. i havent spoken to my therapist in so long. i just need somebody to talk too and i need something to make me feel better. i always think of oding but i dont want anyone to be sad, but i dont even think anyone will be sad. i have no friends to be sad. my 'friend is always' sad so i make her feel better and she leaves me on read after sending a whole paragraph to her. im always terrified that shses killed herself but then she posts on her story or something. she makes my anxiety fume up. it feels good to get this off my chest.