ever since 6th grade i showed various signs of social anxiety, eating disorders, depression, and body dysmorphia. ive had anxiety attacks in public places, feeling like everybody was judging me, everybodys eyes on me, everybody just waiting to tell me how much of a failure i was. it stopped me from going out for almost 1-2 years. as for eating disorder, ive starved myself countless times, lost weight extremely quickly, was obsessed with calorie counting, and would have serious breakdowns if i ate more than 800 calories. for body dysmorphia it’s so hard to look in the mirror because when i do, i see someone double my size. i try telling myself it’s my brain tricking me but it’s getting really bad because all i see is someone im not. as for depression, ive been suicidal, thought about commuting multiple times. i self-harmed for a while and although i am clean, something still bothers me. I wrote all of my feelings down in a journal and when i went to the doctors to get “diagnosed” he laughed it off and told me i should be a writer. he then sent me to a therapist but neither of them ever diagnosed me with anything or given an official diagnosis. even through everything I’ve been through this makes me feel like i don’t have the right to tell people that im depressed for i had social anxiety, or I struggled with eating disorders. to those of you who were diagnosed, please help me. it’s been three years but i still can’t get over this.
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