ever since the start of quarentine, i’ve been struggling a lot w social anxiety. i’ve never been to a psychiatrist so i don’t have a legitimate diagnosis (and i’m not going to claim i do- self-diagnosing is harmful and i’m not trying to do that here) but ever since i began high school two years ago i’ve been extremely anxious talking to other people. it used to be bad, but now i literally tremble every time i go up to check out a store or cry when i have to make a phone call. it really sucks because before this all started happening i was a really outgoing person, i still identify as a extrovert but i’m genuinely terrified of talking to people so i can’t. i desperately want to start medication but my mom is convinced that i’m still a social butterfly and doesn’t believe that i could ever suffer from something like that. it’s gotten so bad that i’ve stopped hanging out with all my friends, and now they’ve started to leave me out of stuff because i kept turning them down. its just that because of this anxiety the first impression i always give off it super awkward and timid but i hate being perceived that way. i constantly embarrass myself when i interact with other people, and every time i do i have obsessive thoughts about being a bad person and an idiot, and these thoughts have induced panic attacks before. it just keeps getting worse and i’m anxious even just laying in my own bed but i don’t have a way to stop it because my mom is so against therapy. i’m sixteen so i do have the option of seeking one myself, but my anxiety is stopping me from making any phone calls so that’s out of the question. if my friend group continues to leave me out then i’m likely going to lose most my friends, which is honestly okay because they’re lowkey really toxic anyway but it’s going to force me to make new friends which i don’t know how to do. i don’t want to isolate myself. anyway. sorry this rant is all over the place, i’ve had a really bad day so i’m just kind of dumping all of my thoughts out. moral of the story is that my social anxiety is really bad and i wish i could talk to people without having to deal with it.
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Although I've never specially struggled with social anxiety myself, I have always been really shy and extremely awkward so I know a tiny bit about where you're coming from. Since this is a new thing for you, is there an event or moment in your life that you can remember that may have caused this? I have discovered with other anxieties I have that finding the cause of the worry helps you recover in the future. Since you said your friends were kind of toxic, there might have been a specific event with them that caused you to worry more about your social habits. Finding this trigger might also help your mom understand that you were fine but this specific moment caused you to develop this anxiety and now you need help. I would definitely recommend online therapy since your mom won't let you go to in-person. Just talking to people about your worries and them being able to give you healthy coping mechanisms and solutions really helps. I know this may not help because the very loud Anxiety Voice in your brain rules out all judgement and helpful thoughts in the moment, but just try to remember when you're feeling anxious that other people aren't judging you. For example, when you're talking to someone, you're probably not thinking "Wow this person is so dumb!" or "They just said ____ they're worthless!!" You don't think that about others, I don't think that about others, and the person/people you're talking to are not thinking anything bad like that about you either. Everyone is so worried about themselves and "Oh no is that pimple on my face noticeable" and "Gosh I really just said 'You too!' to the waiter when he said to enjoy my meal" We're all so absorbed in our own lives, were not paying attention to small details in others people's lives. Chances are, no one is thinking that you're embarrassing or awkward when you talk to them. You are not alone in this and you will find ways to control this anxiety and feel more like yourself again❤️
you are so strong and i know you can get through this. social anxiety sounds so difficult and tiring to deal with and I’m so proud of you for making it this far. do you have a trusted friend or family member that could help you get a therapist or at least just tell them your situation? i have also lost some friends during quarantine and I feel like I can’t really make any new ones because my grade is so small but I just keep telling myself that if I can make it through this year I’ll be fine (because I’m switching schools next year). I’m scared to make new friends but i know that things will work out and I know it will work out for you too. i am so proud of you and I know you can get through this. xx💘