ever since the start of quarentine, i’ve been struggling a lot w social anxiety. i’ve never been to a psychiatrist so i don’t have a legitimate diagnosis (and i’m not going to claim i do- self-diagnosing is harmful and i’m not trying to do that here) but ever since i began high school two years ago i’ve been extremely anxious talking to other people. it used to be bad, but now i literally tremble every time i go up to check out a store or cry when i have to make a phone call. it really sucks because before this all started happening i was a really outgoing person, i still identify as a extrovert but i’m genuinely terrified of talking to people so i can’t. i desperately want to start medication but my mom is convinced that i’m still a social butterfly and doesn’t believe that i could ever suffer from something like that. it’s gotten so bad that i’ve stopped hanging out with all my friends, and now they’ve started to leave me out of stuff because i kept turning them down. its just that because of this anxiety the first impression i always give off it super awkward and timid but i hate being perceived that way. i constantly embarrass myself when i interact with other people, and every time i do i have obsessive thoughts about being a bad person and an idiot, and these thoughts have induced panic attacks before. it just keeps getting worse and i’m anxious even just laying in my own bed but i don’t have a way to stop it because my mom is so against therapy. i’m sixteen so i do have the option of seeking one myself, but my anxiety is stopping me from making any phone calls so that’s out of the question. if my friend group continues to leave me out then i’m likely going to lose most my friends, which is honestly okay because they’re lowkey really toxic anyway but it’s going to force me to make new friends which i don’t know how to do. i don’t want to isolate myself. anyway. sorry this rant is all over the place, i’ve had a really bad day so i’m just kind of dumping all of my thoughts out. moral of the story is that my social anxiety is really bad and i wish i could talk to people without having to deal with it.