new skl. new me. right?when i was 11, it was september. i was joining a new school. i didnt really think of it much because i dont really care ab social standards or where to fit in. as long as i had a trustworthy friend. i made a couple friends everyday and one of them was "supposedly" liking me.(name him "tom") i knew it was fake because my new class would always spread rumours. i was in a friend group that was v toxic and would fight everyday over little things. the main problem was this girl that i will call "emily". she would make a fuss over little things and cause arguments. day by day the friend group was shortened. 10 ppl to 6 to 5 to only 3. me, emily and another girl. emily would talk smack ab the girls to us. we were like a therapist. one day i got in an argument with her. i dont remember what it was ab but i do know she was VERY angry with me. and that was it. i had enough. the argument was sorted ofc. but i didnt feel comfortable knowing that just yesterday she called me ugly and hoped that i died. i hung out with another girl that was v much like me and was kind. slowly i grew apart from emily and only said our "hi" and "bye"s. i was very happy that i wasnt in a toxic friendship anymore. it was recess and i saw emily and tom talking. it was weird since they hate eachother and dont talk much . it was time for maths. i sit next to "tom". he was trying to tell me something but i couldnt understand. maths was over and it was time for another topic. he came over to me and said that emily told him that i liked him. i was v confused and just brushed it off as a joke. at break he called me v inappropriate names and i laughed it off. it was time for break and i knew i needed to tell my friend what had happened.. she came over to me in a rush and told me that tom had told her that i liked him. i laughed and said i thought it was a new joke. tom was a player. he would get with girls while he was dating another girl. (this was when he was 11). i never liked him v much as a friend because he would make me cover up these things. he once made me give him £5 because i had a "bet" with him. it wasnt a bet. i didnt find it as a bet., i was saving up to buy some stuff for my mother for her birthday. but that obv had to wait. everyday after that supposed rumour he would call me rude names. one time there was this "trend" going around and boys would go around catcalling girls. (WE WERE ALL 12) i found it disgusting and would stick to the girls and ignore them. no-one done that to me and i was thankful. after school on the bus. tom came over to me and told me the reason why me and my friend werent getting "chosen". he called both of us whales and flat. that hurt me. in gym class all of the girls looked lovely and blossomed in their kits . i looked like any other 12 year old. and apparently that was wrong. i came home from school that day and decided i was not going to eat for a while. about a week into not eating and just drinking water, i got called over by tom and his friends and he called me ugly and hairy. thats when i asked my mother to wax my eyebrows and "moustache". it hurt but i had to do what ever i had to to look pretty. the word of tom still hurt me and i look in the mirror wondering why i looked like this. i started eating ofc, but i read the calories and checking my weight. im still not sure if im pretty enough.
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