hi, im maya. & im saying my name because i want people to know that their stories should not be something to be embarrassed of & you dont have to be anonymous. your voice is heard. i hope mine is too. it started back in 7th grade (currently in 9th) when i met a guy. i dmed him on insta asking to be friends & from there we became friends, we talked for about 2 weeks & then he told me he liked me, from there we were now considered “talking” as in the talking stage, but from there everything progressively went down-hill, we would be on and off because he would keep going back to his ex (i found out later on he was with her the whole time we were talking) & my heart would be shattered each and every time he would do that. but to get i to what really matters ill just tell you that we talked for about 5months & thats when he told me he never reallyloved nor liked me which broke my heart and made me feel like i could never be loved by anyone. i started to beleive nobody even my bsf actuallyloved me. in the beginning of 2020 i became severely depressed & started to self-harm. (i will mention that it was cutting but nothing further because of others sake) i was scared of death so i told my grandma and i got transported to a mental hospital in an ambulance. i stayed for 72hours and came back the happies tive ever been. that didnt last long. i became super insecure about everything and my anxiety had came back. i was put on medicine again. mi was clean for 5months when i started feeling worthless and alone out of nowhere and i relapsed. this time it was worse. one night i texted my friends telling them that i couldnt do this anymore & that was the hardest thing ever. they ended up contacting my grandma who was asleep to then i was found in the bathroom and taken to the hospital. i never got admitted this time just sent back on medication. ever aince then i was distracting my mind by hanging with friends and never got to actually let it out.a couple days ago my friend told me she relapsed shortly after and argument wehad & i felt like the cause of it. i feel like everyone would be better off without me & i relapsed again fro the 3rd time this year. but this time its so bad that i cant even wear shorts and i wont get out of bed to shower or use the bathroom because i cant stand the sight of seeing them. i feel like im losing myself slowly but faster faster by yhe minute. i wanted to share my story to let everyone know they arent alone in this and they are loved. pls reach out if ur struggling with anything to me or to a loved one.