i was doing so good until last week. i was 2 years and 3 months clean. i hadn’t self harmed in sooo long. but recently i’ve been becoming more and more depressed and my mental health has become terrible and the only way for me to feel in control of something is to self harm. it’s a terrible coping mechanism but it’s the only thing that works. i get huge sudden urges to slice my skin open or do something to hurt myself. and when i’m distracted doing fun and happy things that’s barely even a problem! i was away for a weekend having fun with my friends and self harm didn’t even cross my mind! but since i have to babysit my brother i don’t get to go have fun very often besides a weekend every now and then. so during the week i’m just stuck in bed crying or the bathroom self harming. i’ve tried using markers or ice with red food coloring instead but that doesn’t do anything to me. that doesn’t help me. and i feel like a burden telling my friends about my mental health. only 1 of my friends know i’m depressed but he doesn’t understand and he keeps asking why i’m depressed. when i’m around my friends i’m happy, so they don’t see the dark depressed sides of me. i don’t know what to do anymore.