lmao sorry for the crude title, i couldnt really think of anything nd i also couldnt really care less soo..
anyways, i’ve started cutting just in the past month or so and even though i tell myself i won’t let it get bad, it’s already come so far within just a month. at first i was barely scratching, basically no blood. now, if there isn’t blood, it’s not good enough. it has to bead up. i don’t particularly care about going deeper, rather i simply care about seeing blood. it makes me feel like i’m in control, i guess? i have a twt account on selfharm twitter and i think that furthers my want to cut more, but i also don’t want to get rid of the account. i don’t want to stop. i like seeing blood and i like feeling like i’m actually competent at something. it’s gotten much worse since my partner has taken a vacation for a week, since they’re not there to check up on me. i feel like i could never tell them. it would crush them, and they would want me to stop. i don’t want either of those things. i want to tell someone, anyone, to talk about it, but i don’t want them to tell someone else and i don’t want them to make me stop. it’s a cycle that i’m falling deeper into but the only thing i feel is shame for not regretting it yet.
I feel you. No, really, I do. I had cut myself for the first time once and I had already found it addicting. I’ve stopped though, the guilt would be too overwhelming if my family saw. You know you should stop, I don’t even have to tell you that. Your partner will find out, and they’ll be crushed. Stop for them. You know that they care about you, they care about you so much. I can’t even imagine how frightened and worried I’d be if i saw my loved one hurting themselves on purpose. Hell, I’d be heartbroken, thinking I wasn’t able to help them. Let your partner help you, don’t put this all on yourself.