so i've struggled with mental health for over five years and i'm exhausted. I actually have no energy or motivation left. I haven't showered in about a week, I haven't even eaten anything today and I think i've finally given up. My body and brain can't take anymore. I'm struggling to keep my eyes open and it exhausts me to even sit up out of bed. My brain has finally stopped fighting and tbh i'm not that worried. i've self-harmed but no in the 'traditional' ways. yesterday was a bad day and today i've got bruises and my body aches. When i get into a depressive episode, i self harm and get intrusive thoughts. I hit myself in the legs, arms and even hit myself in the head. I tend to grab things near me and hurt myself with them, often because i get a severe intrusive thought and i just do it. yesterday i got rejected from a job and broke my favourite ornament that i got off my nanna. i flew into like a depressive rage and was just hitting myself and calling myself horrible names. at one point i even bit down on my fingers and ive got massive bruises on my fingers. i feel so ashamed and stupid. but i do believe my body has finally given up. yesterdays incident mustve been the last straw. I'm not scared to die anymore. it used to scare me but now i dont feel anything. i'm ready and so is my body. ive made some arrangements i guess. its a shame cause i wouldve been turning 20 in a month. for anyone reading pls just know that i feel at peace with it and not to worry. maybe my next life will be a bit better. farewell 2020! youve been a ripper of a year
top of page
bottom of page
omg hey are you still here pls be ok