honestly not really sure where to go with this. i guess i really just wanna lay down my thoughts somewhere.
first things first, i dont have many friends at all at the moment. i talk regularly to maybe one person. but it doesnt really bother me, whereas other people with little to no friends seem very bothered by it.
because of that ive been thinking a lot about it and trying to figure out *why* it doesnt matter to me, because i know its a big thing to many and i feel like it should be for me too.
at this point, i think the answer resides in emotions and the fact that im incapable of connecting to other people and really caring about them and loving them. not to say that i have no sympathy. i see and understand emotions and i wish the best for everyone. if someone were in pain or needed me, i would help them wholeheartedly, but understanding and feeling emotions is quite different. i guess what im trying to say is i dont *feel* any draw to anyone whatsoever. if we were to stop talking to someone, i dont think it would hurt at all.
saying that seems very odd as i used to think i was an extremely empathetic person, because that's what i was told by others. i was the default "therapist friend" for many people i knew because i seemed to be an emotionally knowledgeable person. but im starting to wonder if i'm truly empathetic or if i just learned the patterns of different emotions and how to respond to them as a way to stay afloat in society.