these past few months i’ve felt so empty and i realized i don’t even have any reasons to stay alive left. people always say “stay for your family and friends, they’ll miss you” but my family won’t care, the last time i tried to talk about my feelings i was sent off to a mental hospital and when i got back they said i was just lying about my problems. i’m basically the problem child and the least favorite so i wouldn’t be missed as much and my siblings are much much older so they’ll just move on with their lives. i don’t even have any friends left because they’ve all left or i’ve ruined our friendship because my depression is so bad that i often can't even find the motivation to talk to people even if i really want to. at this point i’ve basically lost everything important to me, i can't find comfort or enjoyment in my favorite things and activities, i feel like i'm alive but not living, it's like i exist but nothing i do leaves a mark in this world or in other people's lives. i can't even find love both in friendships because they always leave or stop talking to me and in relationships because i always get used, all i've ever wanted in life was to feel loved and happy but instead i'm stuck with heartache and severe depression that causes me to feel numb most of the time. i feel like this is all karma and i deserve it, i feel like i deserve everything bad that has happened to me. i just want to end this pain and suffering already, i’ve given up especially since hoping things will get better has never worked anyways.
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