i was born into a christian family. when i was younger i never once doubted any of what i was being shown in church, when i was 8 my parents even became pastors. i think i stared to notice i was a bit different was when i was around 9 or 10, i was around the age where my parents started telling me what was wrong and what was right as “christians” and homosexuality was taught to me as a sin, but i never thought of it like that. even tho they had told me about how it was a sin i never once ever actually felt like people of the lgbtq+ community were doing anything wrong. and then middle school started, i was finally more interested in the idea of crushes and dating. i started noticing that i would find myself thinking of being in a relationship not only with guys but girls too. and for all of 7th grade i just tried pushing all of the “weird” ideas that i would have. 8th grade started, i was already confused about my sexuality, and then i met a girl who we’ll call “B”. i met her in and art class, B sat in my group. almost naturally we began to become friends and i also found out she was bi.at first i didn’t pay to much attention to it but soon the idea of her opening being able to date a girl began eating me up, not because i thought it was gross but because i was jealous that i could never do that. and soon it got worse when i started to image myself in the imaginary girlfriend spot i had made up in my mind. it took me some time but i realized i was developing a crush on her. she was kind, pretty, and funny. but of course i could tell no one. i found out a bit later she had started dating a girl that a knew from writing class, my heart was shattered. but again no one knew. i remember one time B spoke to me about how she was actually lesbian not bi but told her mom she was bi bc she thought she would be more accepting. it hurt to know that so many ppl including myself are so scared of our family not wanting us for something as small as who we choose to love... the semester ended and we soon never saw each other again. my feelings for her slowly drifted away but i had finally realized that i was bisexual. at first i told no one but in the past few months i have been able to tell my two best friends who luckily have been extremely excepting but not anyone else. i’m scared. i know that if i ever want to live my life freely i would have to leave my family behind once i’m old enough. and part of me long’s for the day i can finally just come out leave, but the other part of me isn’t so ready. i love my family i have always been a family person even if i wasn’t truly close with anyone in my family and i have a bad relationship with my parents i still get sad every time i think of simply leaving them behind. i look at my nieces and nephews and my heart hurts so much to know that i won’t get to see those smiling faces one day. but i hear my family speak about how being gay is disgusting and a sin and it hurts me, bc i know that some day they will see me as disgusting bc i’m bi. (i know this was long, sorry)
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