okay!! so i've thought i wasn't straight since 8th grade, and
i identified as bisexual then. then. in 9th grade, i started using queer/sapphic to describe myself. btw i'm not out to anyone except for my brother irl, and i'm out as queer/sapphic on stan twitter.
so for awhile i'e been thinking i might be a lesbian, but i've struggled with that. i had crushes on boys in 5th and 6th grade, but never since. and i really can't tell if i like them or not, and it's hard not knowing who i am.
along with this, i also have this reoccurring fear that i'm actually straight, and faking my sexuality. despite having had multiple crushes on girls. i have this weird thing that if i come out to my irl friends, my sexuality will automatically just change into straight. or that i'm wrong about everything i think, and all this worrying + coming out in general will have been for nothing ?
and it's annoying because queet/sapphic fit kinda perfecty, considering i'm not 100% sure, but i can't help but constantly want to know the specifics of my sexuality. i've identified as these non-specific labels for so long, i just want a label that tells who i am more accurately without it feeling like a cop-out.
i've considered coming out on my stan twitter account as a lesbian, to see how it feels. but if i later change my mind, and realize i'm bisexual, i don't want to feed into the stereotype that "it's just a phase." but at the same time, i feel like identifying as bi isn't something that fits me, right at this moment. also, if i did come out as a lesbian, i know i would feel so guilty on those nights where my mind convinces me i'm straight. and that would scare me, because it would feel like a big part of my identity has always been a life (even though that's unlikely).
umm anyways. if u have any advice, i'd like it! thanks in advance! also if ur going through anything similar, it'd be interesting to know because it feels like I'm alone in feeling like this :(
id say experiment some!! try being with girls/boy/other and just see how you feel! dont be too quick with labels if you don’t feel comfortable :)