I struggle with mental health a lot .i only have two friends one of which I feel like I always need to check up on bc I genuinely care about him and it’s in a healthy way bc I want to see him get better and he tries to help me too . I tell him not to worry about me because my problems are nothing next to his right?
the other is a friend I know is toxif we get into arguments and she guilts me into being her friend again. In the arguments she’ll tell me horrible things that make me cry for weeks and I just try to calm her down or apologise or tell her how i really feel but she just thinks it’s a competition and she goes all out because she knows exactly what will hurt me the most.
she does this in group chats because she likes to flaunt that she wins the arg or whatever she thinks she’s doing . she treats me like a therapist and will tell me about every little thing that’s bothering her and I’m fine with that bc I do love her . she’s confessed that she has feelings for me multiple times but I don’t feel the same way.but whenever I try to reach out to her or the gc she’ll say “ what do you want me to do about it I don’t want to hear about that ” or when I told her that I used to plan to kill my self and still kind of wanted to she said things like “ people struggle with that I don’t care about what u have to say, ur not sorry, I won’t come to your funeral , Idc if u kill yourself I don’t want to know about that shit” and she keeps attacking me while I apologise to her .
i lied when I told her I sometmiss struggled with suicide bc I struggle with it every day . I used to self harm I only stopped bc it let people know that I was hurting and I didn’t want to bother them. The only reason I know I won’t kill myself is because my other friend has a lot of mental disorders and I don’t think he can handle sm he knows dying even if he doesn’t care about me. I just don’t know what she wants from me. if it was anyone else treating me this way I don’t know what I would do but I’ve been stuck with this bitch for years and I’m so tired and so scared of being alone. She always manages to bring back from the brink of recovery and throw me overboard .
ohh damn. the relationship you have with her is most definitely toxic. and look its easier said than done, leave her. staying will just bring more problems more anxiety and more hurt. you need to see that you are valued and you deserve to be treated the way you treat people. some people are better off on their own. youll find people that you connect with and people that want to hear what you have to say. please dont stay itll just get worse x