hey im sarah and I’m 15. honestly I just need to vent because I feel like there’s not a soul in the world that I could talk to without annoying them. I have this amazing mother who’s just beautiful in every way but she’s married to an asshole who r*ped me when I was like 5 and he just abused of her and I until I was 11, long story shor, I told but my family thought I was making things up so they spread rumors ab me and the only person that believed me was my moms sister so my mom sent me to live with her (to this day I still don’t know if my mom believes me or not but I want to think she does and that she’s on my side) anyways I had a good relationship with my aunt but over time i realized that In every argument we got into she would always put the blame on me and recently we had this argument over a really small thing and She ending up mocking Me by Saying “iM sArAh and evEryonE haTEs mE sO iLL kiLL mySeLf” and when I confront her about something she said that hurt me she gaslights me into feeling like I did something wrong and for the longest time I felt like I was always the one who effed up and ever since I just want to be by myself rather than arguing with her and this caused me to cut again the first time in a year, I also live with my grandparents but every time I come into the room my grandfather rolls his eyes and my grandmother always takes my aunts side of things, whats really killing me though is that I’m just tired, I’ve been struggling with anorexia for about Half a year and I know that other people have gone through it for longer but every day feels so hard to get through, I also miss my mom, i can’t go back because idk whether or not she’s with that man and I can’t ask bc she’s very sensitive about that topic, I just want to die because I feel so utterly alone and like I can’t tell anyone anything, I feel like I’m not even here anymore or that I’m just an empty body wasting valuable space. I just needed somewhere to rant, thank you.
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hi!! i'm really sorry about everything, you're valid for being upset about this. below are some general things that might help if you try them. know that you're loved, even if you're stuck in a heavy situation. tell me if you try any of these!
tips for coping with depression :)
reading books right before bed: i know you'll really not want to and you might get bored but it has improved my sleep which then improves my mental health. if you need happy book suggestions let me know!
writing in a diary every time you get those nasty thoughts: i do this and it really does let out my anger and sadness. just every time you get these feelings (im a coward, im so sad, my mood is ruined, this karen at work is being mean) write it down.
try to replace bad thoughts with good ones. every time you get a mean or deprecating thought, say something good too. for example, if you get a thought telling yourself you're worthless, say "i'm good at ___, though" or "i have ___ going for me at least"
stay away from your phone: it sucks, and it's painful, but apps like tiktok, twitter, instagram, and snapchat can be hella addicting and eventually damaging. you can do anything to replace that screen time - read, write, draw, cook, take a walk, etc.
listen to happy music during an episode. if you listen to sad shit while you're already sad it's gonna make things worse. bands like Of Monsters and Men, Aurora, WILD, Dayglow etc. have saved my life. because every time ill be sobbing and ready to turn on the neighbourhood or something, ill listen to these instead.
meditate! there are a ton of free apps that have meditation features. they help clear your head and release natural chemicals like serotonin. they also serve as a nice distraction. try the app Calm, it works wonders!
alternatives to self-harm
tear apart newspapers, magazines, photos, etc.
rub ice cubes on parts of your body
write negative thoughts on a piece of paper and tear it up, then write down nice things about yourself and keep that paper
chew gum and focus on that
go for a walk. exercise, or dance
make a wishlist of clothes, movies, or books
squeeze and hug your pillow, or scream into it
reorganize your room
plan a dream vacation and include pictures
doodle
count to 100
call a crisis line (let me know if you need help figuring out which one to call)
take a cold shower with the lights off
mental health related crisis lines!
Suicide Hotline 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-827-7571
Deaf Hotline 1-800-799-4TTY
Holy Spirit Teenline (717) 763-2345 or 1-800-722-5385
Crisis Intervention (Harrisburg) (717) 232-7511 or 1- 888- 596-4447
Carlisle Helpline (717) 249-6226
Crisis Intervention (York) (717) 851-5320 or 1-800-673-2496
happy songs to get you out of a bad mood
WILD - It only gets better, Here we go
Of Monsters and Men - Mountain sound
Dayglow - Can I call you tonight?, Hot rod
Chloe x Halle - Do it, Forgive me
Coin - Youuu
Saint Motel - Sweet talk
Sundara Karma - Indigo puff
Aurora - Daydreamer
The F16s - WKND frnds
my dms are open, you can talk to me about anything. i love you!
love,
t