i feel like i have nobody. i have friends, but they dont talk to me. i feel left out all the time. they all hang out together multiple times a week and never invite me. they have a groupchat without me. im never anybody's first choice, i would consider myself like the 4th choice even lower lmao. i havent had conversations with any of them in months. school is the only reason i get talked to bc im forced to be there with them. i just lost my best friend, who i met online. me and them talked for 12+ hours a day everyday for almost 2 years straight and they ghosted me for 2 weeks then i found out they had 6 indirects about me on twitter and that was the end of that. i feel betrayed. they were the only person i felt like i could tell them anything and i found out they were sharing those things publicly. it crushed me man. it made me spiral and im going through a depressive episode rn. i barely eat and i sleep until 2pm. i dont shower and i stay in bed all day. nobody checks up on me or talks to me first. im tired of it. why can i never hold friendships? i envy people who have friends who make them better people and do everything together. my friends are like that with each other, but not me. im never going to meet someone who will be my best friend. the point of this post isnt to ask for friends, im so sick of people and i have trust issues now bc of my ex internet friend. idk what i want. im jealous of my friend's friends and i keep stalking their accs and i dont know why bc it just makes me sad why theyre not like that with me. i never did anything by the way, ive never gotten into fights with them or anything. ive never expressed how i feel to them either. im afraid if i do theyll just drop me or get mad. but i feel so alone and unwanted.
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