i've been struggling with mental health related issues since i was only 12. first, i was diagnosed with ocd. then generalized anxiety disorder. i'd hyperventilate when i saw random cars parked near my house, because i assumed they were planning to break in. i would cry when i had headaches, because i assumed i had a brain tumor. i started having random panic attacks at night, too. that's when i was put on medication (which helped quite a bit), but my struggles didn't end there. in eighth grade, i started dieting, counting calories, over exercising, and spitting out my food if it had too much fat or sugar. i was 15 pounds underweight, but i was extremely dysmorphic. to this day i have issues with my weight. but i'm gonna talk about other things that happened in eighth grade. (tw!) i began self harming because i was insecure. i thought i was a bad person. i didn't have many friends and got bullied often. same for ninth grade. i attempted suicide at age 15. i was sick of the horrible people at my school, so i moved. the first few months at my new school were great, but then i lost a bunch if friends at this point, i was six months clean of cutting, but i relapsed. i felt unwanted. though by the end of the year, i did make new friends, but i still to this day think nobody actually wants to be my friend. all i do is disappoint others. i try very hard to make people happy, but no one seems to appreciate me. last night, i contemplated suicide and cried. i reach out for help a lot, but my feelings are invalidated each time. to me, it seems i'm truly not cared about. i was recently diagnosed with depression, but still many people think i'm just dramatic. i need help. i see counselors, but they don't help. all i need are supportive friends, you know? i'm okay right now, and i want to be alive. but i'm also super tired and exhausted of fighting, so i just need someone by my side through my struggles. is that too much to ask?
if you read all that, you're amazing. that means the world to me. i hope you're having a wonderful day, and that you're happy. you are loved.
You never realize how many people could be there for you. As long as you talk with someone I swear it helps the pain. And suicide is never the answer. It's not as promising as it seems. It's ok to make mistakes. Please use this anger and sadness as fuel to strengthen yourself. Relapses are human nature. If you need a supportive person, my insta is xxcherry.cola and youre welcome to vent anytime to me. You're amazing for trying hard. ily