I'm losing energy, I'm tired of always 'looking on the bright side'. When in reality everything around me is gray. I'm ready to surrender my battle now. I sometimes want to be the one comforted but there's no one there. I want someone to be there for me like I was for those around me that were in pain. I'm so tired of not fitting in anywhere even my family. Tbh my family is probable already fed up with me anyways. It's cowardly but I want to die, then the pain ends. I'm trying hard but good times aren't coming and I can't keep going anymore.
I can't find anyone to talk to (that's why I'm here) not even in my family. I need help, but my parents are christian and always just say to look to god. EVER SINGLE TIME, I'm trying to okay, I just want some comfort here, and to talk about my feelings but it ends up that I don't even get to talk. It doesn't help that I have Asian parents and that for one they thing mental health problems are taboo and they don't really express their love with words. Which is something I really need. Also I cry a lot so they're probably already fed up and used to it. But they don't know that each time it gets harder and harder. I don't know anymore. I hurts to comfort people now.
I also hate my body, (but honestly I don't really like anything about myself).
I also can't see my future anymore I lost my dream. I am a hopeless romantic but I can't even imagine myself in a relationship anymore. I lost all that I was looking forward to.
School, home and life are just too much for me right now.