my “friend” liam is so toxic. liam was my first real crush in 7th grade. then in the beginning of 8th grade he texted me and said he likes my ex best friend tess. he thought we were still friends bc we we’re still nice to each other. it’s complicated. but i hated her. she was a terrible friend to me and made me feel terrible abt myself. liam told me he liked her (he didn’t know i liked him) and asked how he should tell her. i gave him some advice but i also told him that she isn’t a very good person and that he should be careful with her. he decided not to ask her out. we kept talking. like a lot. and my feelings for him got much stronger. we kept talking and he eventually told me he has feelings for me. we flirted on and off for all of eighth grade and the summer after. he never asked me out even tho he said he would. he kept losing feelings for me and getting then back. and he kept flirting with other girls too. one of them was tess and by now he knew that she was awful to me and really mean. he did it anyway. he basically kept breaking my heart over and over even tho we weren’t even dating. it hurt. when freshman year started, he started dating a girl named mykaela. they dated for a few weeks. i felt ignored and irrelevant the entire time. then, they broke up. he wasn’t that upset about it. a week or so later liam went apple picking with me and my family. he fell asleep on my shoulder in the car. i realized that i couldn’t just keep ignoring my feelings for him and pretending that i was fine without him. he texted me later aftershocks left and said that he realized his feelings came back and that he really likes me again. a few days later he asked me out and he kissed me. he was my first kiss. he was my first relationship. my first everything. it was going really well. all the way up until like march. in february, i lost my virginity to him. we fought sometimes. usually about him talking to other girls. he has a flirty personality so it always seemed like he was flirting back when girls flirted with him. which was a lot. all of his friends were girls. most of them liked him and he knew it. i never directly told him i didn’t like it but he knew it bothered me. and he never did anything to change it. he only thought about himself. didn’t make any sacrifices he didn’t have to. i didn’t realize how bad it was. he made me feel like shit a lot of the time. then, in march, quarantine happened. it hit me really hard. my depression got really bad. i convinced myself no one liked me anymore. i told liam about these fears. then in april, two days before our 6 month anniversary, he broke up with me. he told me that he lost feelings for me. again. he didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. i isn’t know what to do. he was my person. he was my only person. he promised me that he wouldn’t leave and that he’d love me forever. he lied. we kept talking. i wouldn’t let myself leave him. i needed him. we stayed friends. but then i realized he’s a really toxic person. he doesn’t think about anyone except himself. he never apologizes for anything. he makes me feel like my mental illnesses are my fault. he just always hurts me. idk how to just cut him out of my life but he always pretends everything’s fine when it clearly isn’t. he’s so toxic and ik that having him in my life isn’t good for me. but i can’t not have him. he was my only real friend for a long time that i could trust with anything. even tho he’s now broken my trust countless times. idk what to do. i love having him as a fun friend to have around but he makes me feel like shit. idk what to do
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This guy is definitely toxic. You need to remove him from your life. Yes, at first it is going to be hard. You're going to miss your best friend and your first love. But you do not need this toxicity in your life. You sound really sweet and caring, and because of that he will probably come running back to you when he's lonely if he has the chance. (dont give him the chance!!) But he will still be as toxic as ever: flirting with other girls, never making his mind up about you, not helping you through your feelings. I know this will be hard to hear, but if he really cared about you and your relationship, he wouldn't have ever wondered if he liked you or not. He wouldn't have to flirt with others. It would be you and only you and he would know. I'm really sorry that he didn't end up feeling the same way as you, but he's just one guy. You're learning as you date what you like and don't like. You're smarter now. If another guy comes into your life like him you'll know that he's toxic. You will meet a better guy that is perfect for you in all the ways that Liam wasn't. The next few months are going to hurt but in the long run you'll realize you're better without him. Keep your head up queen❤️👑