Quick TW ⚠️S*lf h*rm and almost s*icide
This is really long sorry:
So this boy was the first "real" boyfriend i have ever had. I had a mostly online relationship before but that ended because he was a toxic bitchboy with issues i just couldn't help him with. Anyways this boy was absolutely amazing for the first month of dating, we went on dates and we sent cute messages and it was wonderful. Until he started to reveal his true self to me. He would be an asshole to people around me and then tell me he was "just tired" or "not feeling himself today" and i woild believe him. Until it was every. Single. Day. He also started to say things about my friends that woild make me feel shitty. He woukd say that he didnt like what theu did or what they wear or what subjects they are doing at school. He would tell me it was better when it was just us two and it was getting too overbearing for me. So on the 12th of feb, we had a small argument, i thought nothing of it, until he didnt come to school the next day. It was the 13th of feb, the day before valentines day and i recieved a message from one of his mates i didnt know telling me he had just eaten 16 pills of panadol and was od-ing. I couldnt even think. He hadnt sajd a word to me all day and it was breaking my heart that i had to find out through his friend. It was horrible. He was in hospital, i was out and about just trying to enjoy my afternoon. He called me later that night telling me what happened and that we would talk tomorrow. I disnt go to school the next day. It was valentines day and all i was feeling was heartbreak. He asked if i wanted to go out that afternoon and i told him no, i broke up with him a few days later and to this day i am scared to fall in love because the onky two relationships i have ever been in has ended with them harming themselves or threatening with violence :)
I know it’s scary but you can take your time with it. And if you do decide to try loving somebody again make sure to know when the relationship is turning toxic and be safe. Those weren’t your fault ok? :) they should’ve gotten help, it wasn’t your responsibility to give them that. I believe in you :)