it started in grade 7 when i became extremely insecure about my body. around that time i started self harming as well, and my mental health was declining. i wouldn't eat in school, i would lie to my mom about eating breakfast, i became obsessed with counting my calories, and i would measure myself almost everyday to see if i lost weight. this continued into summer, but eventually i stopped before grade 8 and didn't think much of it. then grade 9 happened. i started self harming again (worse than before) and i didn't take my lunch to school all year because i would obsess over how my body looked & the fact that i hated people seeing me eat. now it's the summer before grade 10. i haven't been able to fix those habits, and quarantine just made it worse. mentally, i'm in the best place of my life. I've been self harm free for 2 months, i met the best guy, i have amazing friends, but i still can't eat. i still get nauseous thinking about my body and how other people see me. i still occasionally count my calories. my relationship with food is worse than ever. my hair is falling out faster than usual, and my periods stopped. i don't know how to not be like this. nobody knows about it, and even if i want to fix my eating habits i won't be able to eat in school this year because it makes me so anxious. a lot of my close friends also believe i have body dismorphia. i just wish i wasn't so insecure. i know self diagnosing isn't the best, but i talked to an online counsellor one day and i'm at a high risk. but i'm genuinely scared and just wish i could be mentally healthy for once in my life.