it was the summer of 2019 and i had felt different i felt alone and not good enough. i had high expectations for 8th grade and i guess i jinxed it bc it was the worst year ever obviously bc of corona it got cancelled thank god but it was such a horrible year i lost all my friends and the only friends i had were people who already had their own friend groups i was just the side freind i ended up missing lots of school days bc i was so tired and unmotivated i felt ugly and sad my language arts teacher kept posting assignments for essays and i couldn’t do it i ended up failing that class bc i was so unmotivated i had suicidal thoughts everyday and no one knew i was in a dark place i wore the same thing everyday i stopped caring about how i look while being self conscious i felt stupid stuck in the same cycle everyday wake up leave my house to go to the bus and start the school day i hates everyone single class i had no friends and it just felt out of place no one was there for me and it really hurt i had no one to talk to or explain my feelings to bc i was lonely and didn’t want my other “friends” to be pressured into making me feel better i met some online friends and it’s ben better i’m just scared of going into 9th grade and getting stuck in the pattern
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Just wanna say I relate to this so much!! I used to hate school (still do) I’d skip it a lot and tell my mom I’m sick at least one day every week and stay home. I didn’t have any friends, well not after they left me. the “friends“ I did have would only come to me when it was convenient for THEM. Or when THEY needed to vent about something. I was a throwaway therapist in a way¿ My grades were awful I used to skip the days when I’d have a math test or cry the day before studying late night for one. I had no hobbies or interests etc; Id rip my appearance and confidence into pieces anytime I’d look into a mirror, disgusted at myself, my body. Id spend everynight listening to sad songs going over everything that had happened that day in school and cry. It was awful. I felt like dying, to end whatever it was I was feeling. But slowly over time, it started getting better. I still don’t know exactly what it was but new supportive people came into my life, friends who wanted to listen to my problems as well as talk about there’s. I opened up about it to my mom, she was loving about it and comforting. I also started a journey of self love. faking it till you make it is a good way to start. Complimenting yourself or treating yourself without guilt helps a lot!! If I don’t love me who will. I don’t need anyone’s validation but mine. If I look cute, i do it for me. to feel happy. Sure I have bad days or times when I shut down but things like online therapy and this website help me vent and go through that. And it reminds me of what I could miss out on if I give up (: It gets better. It gets better.It gets better.It gets better.It gets better. Hope everything is well 🥺