ive had a best friend (erin) since preschool and she was the best. we were so similar and we did everything together. in September we started high school and everything changed. erin was in a different program than me which meant she had different classes than me. the first couple months were fine, we hung out at lunch and after school with our other friends since we missed each others company throughout the school day. but eventually, she made a lot of new friends in her program.
At first i didnt really care because she can have her own friends and whatnot, but one friend in my group decided to hang out with erin and her friends in the program. I'd ask erin what she was doing on the weekend and she basically ignored me, which i thought was weird. On the following weekend, i looked on instagram and i found out that she went out with them to the fair. i already knew though, because i overheard them talking about their plans when they thought i couldnt hear. i'd ask her what she was doing and she said "nothing".
After, i asked her if she wanted to go to the beach with me and she said sure. a week later i found out that she was planning to go to the beach with her program friends in a groupchat via her insta notifications. I pretended not to know because i wanted to spare the stress. I invited my other friend (michelle) to the beach incase erin couldnt go and she said that there was already a gc. again, i pretended not to know because i wasnt supposed to. she quickly shut her mouth and i died a little inside. michelle told me she would ask them to add me to the gc. I was grateful that michelle asked them. when i asked erin about it she said that she was not the one that even made the gc, so i shrugged it off. they never ended up going anyway.
When erins birthday came around, i was so excited to celebrate with her. i had removed her insta account from my phone because i didnt want to see what i was missing out on. after school one day, we went to the park and we were siting together, i saw on her phone a gc named "erins 15 bday!" By the way, i wasnt trying to peek at her phone, we were sitting together really close and i glanced over because i asked her a question and she wasnt responding. i felt my stomach drop. i was so sad. I asked her 'oh, whats that? haha omg ur birthday? am i not invited lol?' jokingly so she would not think i was sad. she said that this is seperate from me and it was for her other friends and we could hang out together after. i said "oh okay haha" and ignored it but i started to cry and i hoped that she didnt notice. i went home without her noticing. lockdown hit before we could hang out.
the day before her birthday, i found out that her program friends had decorated her door at home without inviting me. its not like i didnt know her program friends, one of my other friends ( lucy) also did it. we were walking home when they surprised her. i stood by pretending to be happy for her but i was holding back tears. i didnt want to be the one to ruin her day. i laughed it off but i cried for weeks after that.
I feel like it was my fault it happened, that i am not good enough. i know that friendships aren't meant to last forever. If i stop being friends with her, i have no one but myself. I know that if we have a fight her friends will defend her. Everyone will defend her. I am trying to hold it together because i dont want any drama. i told my other friends this story but they think im being jealous. so am i? i don't know what to do. when i text her she is so dry and its SO hard to keep a convo with her. I am trying not to be clingy or whatever but i dont know what to do. she keeps hanging out without me. am i trying to win in something that shouldnt be a competition? i am trying to figure out what i could do without her, i have been doing sports i love to keep her off my mind. but now i feel like a second choice. when things dont work out with her friends, then she will only come to me. i have tried texting occasionally but she always ignores it because i can see shes active. i want her to be happy but its killing me inside
what do i do ?
she seems like a fake friend. you should ditch her and stop trying to be friends with her. making you her last resort to hang out with sounds really trashy. just remember time doesn't affect quality of friendships. a friend who you've known for 4 months could know you better and be closer to you than someone you've known 7 years. make some other friends and get over her for your own happiness.